Coach’s journal · Conversations & trust
A place to begin
If you want to hear a colleague’s thinking, check whether the wording already carries your answer. When you have a suggestion, name it as a suggestion and first explore how the person sees the situation.
A question mark with a preferred answer
Asking whether someone could check with team A may be a caring suggestion. Yet while you feel you are asking for their thinking, the colleague may hear a method they should accept. Meaning depends on the situation and relationship too. Revisit a question you recently asked and consider what you were actually hoping to hear.
Find something you do not yet know
What remains uncertain for you: the person’s criteria, what they have tried or the choice that feels difficult? Ask how they see the situation and stay with the answer. More questions are not always more curiosity. Notice whether you leave space to learn something that was not already in your own picture.
Make advice and decisions explicit
You can share relevant information or a risk without disguising it. Ask whether you can offer a perspective, then make the suggestion clear. If you need to make a decision, name that too. Helping both people distinguish a question, suggestion and decision can be more honest than steering toward a chosen answer through a series of questions.
Notice what follows the answer
When the response surprises you, do you ask another question to bring it back to your preference, or explore why the person thinks that way? Afterward, write one thing you learned. HR can consider the authority and time people have to express judgment, alongside encouraging managers to develop questioning skills.
Questions about this topic
Should I avoid advice entirely?
No. Share useful information while distinguishing your proposal from a question about their perspective.
Must a good question be open-ended?
Look beyond form to genuine curiosity and room for an unexpected answer.
Should I change the question when an answer is short?
Offer thinking time, stay with the response or clarify the conversation’s purpose.